I am at a crossroads. Down one path is a continuation of my current existence – job, stress, frustration, familiarity, financial comfort. Down the other path is something new – unknown, risky, freeing, testing. Though I am entirely fed up with my job, it is still what I know, and I continue to allow the abuse. The fear of the unknown is almost worse.
But I am reminded of C.S. Lewis’ take on progress. Progress is getting nearer to what you want, and if you’ve taken a wrong turn, it is more progressive to turn around and walk back to the right road than to continue forging ahead in the wrong direction.
I do feel like I’ve ended up on the wrong path, but I’m not even sure I know where the right road is. So turning around? That’s scary. Unknown. Somewhat directionless. But continuing on? That’s hurtful. I don’t know how much more I can take at my job. But I know it. I know the hurt; I can cope with the hurt.
My thinking seems backwards. Staying, making excuses. But still wanting something different. Change. Value.
I am at a crossroads. I am caught in the middle. I want guidance, direction, faith. To leave the familiar takes faith. It is stepping out into the unknown. It is trusting the outcome to Someone else, even if that’s God! The control is out of my hands. I am called to have faith. To step out. Take a leap of faith, trusting that God catches us when we fall. Trusting that something bigger and better is after leaping. Trusting enough to jump when it’s into an unknown.
That’s scary. But it’s also needed. Because I do want progress, and leaping into the unknown might be the best way back to the right path.
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