Saturday, February 20, 2010

Biggest Loser Even Bigger! Conjoined Twins Weigh-In At 933Lbs; Count As One Contestant

Dear Sensei:

I have an awesome idea for a reality TV project, but I don’t know the first thing about how to bring it to fruition or how to get it produced.  What’s my first move?

Dear Judge Jillian Bachelor:

First things first . . .  The term “Reality” is so 2000 and late.  “2000 and late,” however, is still totally far out.  “Reality” is now referred to as “Non-scripted.”

Okay, then.  Development executives, as a collective, have heard it all; one of their top priorities is filling their calendars with (a large number of non-scripted) pitches.

ANGLE ON DESK CALENDAR – “Mtg w/J. Kamp.  SOS (Same Old Shit).  3:45-3:50PM.  Btr brng vnla latte.”

Your first move is certain:  Make sure that your awesome idea is not simply awesome, but also original!  Otherwise, you are wasting everybody’s time and spinning your wheels.  Selling “The Littlest Groom” takes contacts and kick-backs.

If you want to see fat chicks lose weight on a farm instead of a ranch, forget it.

Guy marrying a girl for her parents’ money (which he’s totally not gonna get in the end – oh, snap!)?  Next.

Young hookers and idiot meat-heads trying to act on a show called “Next”?  An additional example please.

A black-belt jujitsu pro and wild-animal trainer, who lives on the Oregon Trail with wolves during the week and wins tournaments on the weekends?  It’s all been done.  They’ve heard it al- Wait a minute.  That one has NOT been done.  And that’s what you’re after, my friend.  Check.  Yo.  Self.

If you are friends with that guy, who is television-ready and hasn’t been mauled in the last four years, you may have yourself an awesome and original idea.  Find that guy . . .

And worry about step 2.

[Via http://hollywoodsensei.wordpress.com]

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