First job interview occurred yesterday. I don’t know what the actual score is, but I am clearly winning. I spoke well, I didn’t have to pause before answering questions (that’s happened in the past, and it’s not the most flattering position to be in), I was friendly and positive and I represented myself very well. I will find out on Friday whether they’re offering me a job.
The catch, wouldn’t you know it, is that I need to decide before then whether I want it. I would hate for them to call and then have to say uh, well, I don’t know yet if I want to take it. I need to have my answer by the time they call (if they do), whether it is yes or no.
The job is street fundraising. You know those people who go up to you on the street and ask you to sign up to donate money to a cause? That’s what I’d be doing. All day. Every day. Well, 5 a week, but still. It’s a fantastic cause. I’d be representing children international and getting people to sponsor a child – and really, the donations aren’t a huge commitment from the donor and it gives the child so much. I would rather not say no to that.
On the other hand, am I really going to approach people on sidewalks all day, every day? Is it realistic to think that I won’t get tired of it very quickly and not want to do it anymore? I’m not saying I will, I’m saying I DON’T KNOW. This is the problem, obviously. If I knew, then I could just make the decision and be done with it. But I can’t really do that.
The nerves that I’m experiencing about the idea of doing this as a job feel exactly the same as the ones I get when I have some kind of business-related phone call (and sometimes personal ones) to make. And then I do it, and it’s never as painful as I think it’ll be. If you think about it, there are so many good and cool people, and many I’m sure are going to be friendly even if they don’t sign up. I’d always be working with someone else, and that would make it so much better.
In part it sounds very hard and maybe tiring, but it also sounds fun and rewarding. My misgivings are not based on any of the details I’ve heard about this job, even though sometimes I’ll have to stand out in sucky weather and deal with some people who are, for whatever reason, really hateful. The hesitation is most likely a mixture of being so used to keeping to myself that I’m not accustomed to wanting to stand out – but then, I’ve done a solo voice concert and I loved that – and self-doubt, which I never seem to be able to get rid of entirely. Somewhere in that mix, I’m sure, is a large dose of not-what-I-had-in-mind.
Some arguments are easily countered. Being open to possibilities I hadn’t considered before is pretty easy, so there goes that last consideration. I am not entirely sure how to talk to people about this, but they do train you for it, and I handled the role-play situation in the interview well enough to tell me that I can do it. Not doing it because it’ll be hard won’t fly. As nice as it can be to have a cushy job that doesn’t really require much from you, I think it’s healthier to do something that involves a challenge. I’m used to concentrating my efforts into school. Now that school is over, it makes sense for me to refocus that energy into a job. It’s not in the way of my ultimate career goals, and it is definitely different and it would be a challenge. None of those seem to me like reasons not to take it.
This doesn’t feel to me like a job I would be taking just to have a job, just to make money – although the pay is good, assuming you get people to sign up, and the benefits are excellent for full time, which is what I would do. It feels like an opportunity. If they don’t offer me a job then it clearly wasn’t meant to be, but if they do … I don’t want to throw away a chance because I was afraid of stepping outside of my comfort zone. If life was all about doing exactly what you wanted all the time, I could get paid for staying home all day, writing a few pages and otherwise watching shows online. Walking to cafes and trying different pumpkin spice lattes. That’s not how things work in this world.
There are still doubts. I can’t help worrying that I just don’t have it in me to do this thing all day – at least, not for longer than a few weeks or months. But then, I would get used to it as time went on, and it would get easier (if it got harder, that would be a clear sign that I need to look for something else), and once I knew what it was like I wouldn’t worry anymore. If it is in me, and I think it is, it just needs coaxing and practice to come out.
The way I see it, something led me here. When I think about all of the jobs I’ve had in my life, all of them came to me in one way or another. I spoke to someone and not too long after that, I had a job. Maybe somewhere in between I had an interview or two. I shook someone’s hand, answered some questions, assured them that I could handle whatever job responsibilities they brought up. I’m intelligent, able – there are certainly things I do better than others, but with certain exceptions I can do pretty much anything.
If I’ve convinced you that I should take this job if they want me, then comment please, and psych me up.
No comments:
Post a Comment